Rewriting Herstory

I've realized that I need to stop confusing reality with stories. 

I mean, I know the difference between the two. I just have to stop applying things that help me write my stories, or happens in my stories, to real life. I figured that is why I'm so frustrated lately.

It's just that people I thought I knew are doing things that I never thought that they would. I need to understand, and I'm not!

I feel as though I am boned, or close to boned on my presentation tomorrow. I have all of my information, I just need a swift kick in the butt to send me on my merry way.

It doesn't help that I feel like I'm getting sick again and my mental state isn't strong enough to want to go through with all of this right now.

I feel like if I get enough of it done tonight then tomorrow I can just clean it up and fix whatever I need to fix.

One step at a time, right?

Cause for a smile:

I actually did get a lot accomplished today.

The one major thing that is glaring me in the face is this presentation.

Well, I have over half a day to get through with it. And then just talk for 20 minutes.

Positive attitude.

Also, I just created a folder that is hanging on my wall. It has SPRING BREAK 2010 written on it.

It is my motivation!

Yay!

But I have a quote for you all. It is something that I try to live by. 

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. - Herm Albright.

Cause for a smile:

I went to a lacrosse game today. Our girls won 15-10. I saw two of my really good friends score. It was exciting.

I also went to a baseball game today. We lost. But I got to see one of my friends get an RBI. As you can tell, I'm not really familiar with baseball terminology. I'm okay with looking like a total goof. 

I got eight hours of sleep last night, and today I felt as though I could conquer the world.

The whole lockdown situation hasn't actually been as effective as I thought it would be. But I do have a few more days. I just have to buckle down. 

I am actually tired right now, so I should be getting to sleep soon. But I have to proofread a story that I'm sending in that is due tomorrow, so I'm staying up a little while longer to do that. 

So, I found myself smiling a lot today. It's because I kept thinking about this guy that I was flirting with last night at the concert. He's a cutie. But I found out today that he was Catholic.

Now, it's not a determining factor in my relationships, but I just thought that it was funny that the last four guys that I've liked, I found out they were Catholic eventually. It's funny because in my first two years at college, I knew a whole one Catholic boy, and now I feel like there are so many.

But I should go.

I have stuff to do before I have to go to sleep.

So, I'm trying to figure out people's intentions. Like, why people do what they do. I guess it has to do with the writer in me and needing to know what goes on in everyone's head.

I'm saying this because people are making decisions and doing things that I thought they would never do. But here they are, surprising the crap out of me.

People that I thought were my best friends...

But I do what I always do in times like this.

I push it back.

And to quote my friend, "Yeah, because that's healthy."

I'm sure you can hear him rolling his eyes.

But, it's how I deal.

It's just the fact that I can't understand, it's causing me so much grief...

I seriously feel like I'm getting sick over it.

I wouldn't be surprised...

Community Stories:

So, I was supposed to set two intentions... or something... for my weekend. Lockdown and focus. I have a horrible week coming ahead of me, and if I can make it through, then I'm home free.

Or at least as home free as I can be.

I talked to my professor today about how nervous I am about my future and everything...

I want to know why it's so easy for me to tell her the struggles that I'm going through, but I can't even fathom saying anything revealing to my mom and dad.

I guess I'm just so use to playing the role of the obedient daughter that I don't know what else to do.

Stress...

Cause for a smile:

Community stories.

I've been so stressed out and frustrated lately that it has brought me to the brink of tears multiple times lately. This class is one of my outlets.

I finally got to hang out with one of my friends that I haven't seen in awhile. Granted, I've been avoiding him, but honestly, he is one of my best outlets.

Telling him about all of my stress nearly brought me to tears again today...

Gosh, I'm so emotional.

But I honestly needed it...

I thank God for these amazing friends that he's surrounded me with.

And now I'm tired...

Good night

I'm so tired right now that nothing is making sense...

I drank a coffee today, so I'm rolling down the hill fast.

I think that the most interesting thing about my day was that I dissected an earthworm... Yeah.

It did make me screech out loud in class, though.

Good times.

Cause for a smile:

I'm going to have the best sleep until I have to wake up and walk my friend to the bus. 

Lip Sync at our school is coming up, and we're ready to kick some butt...

It's going to be great.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JW!

So, I'm completely tuckered out at this point in my day.

It doesn't help that I slept at 4 in the morning, then woke up at nine to walk to church. I ended up being about ten minutes late.

But being angry and frustrated throughout the day takes a lot of energy.

I'm trying to figure out the motivations behind people, because I need to. And right now, it's not making a lot of sense and it's frustrating...

I feel like everyone is going crazy and it's just to make me mad. 

Or maybe I'm the crazy one. Who knows???

Cause for a smile:

We had Pacific Idol at school today, and I got to see my friend sing by herself in front of people at our school. That was exciting. The first and second place winners were people from my school. 

So, today, I realized why my mom is one of my mom is one of my best friends.

This morning, as I was walking to church, I called my mom. I told her about how angry I was about something and I told her that I felt like I was being tested.

She laughed.

But I was so frustrated and I kept telling my mom, and trying to reason my way out of that anger.

Then she said out loud what I had been thinking in my head. And I smiled.

But I had to hang up with her because I was getting so riled up that I wanted to cry. So the rest of my walk to church, I stayed off the phone and tried to calm down.

I haven't been frustrated enough to want to cry in a long time. 

I walked to church today, which I really enjoyed because I really needed to clear my head. And it was nice enough out...

But like I said in the beginning...

I'm too dang tired to function.

And this is totally helping so I don't have to go to bed angry.

I'm yawning as I write this...

I think it's sign.

I know that I'm late at writing a response. Me and one of my good friends had a really long heart to heart since I haven't spoken to her since the summer time.

Today was a pretty simple day.

I guess that the only downside was that I got my test back that I took on Monday. I thought that I did well, but I was wrong. I guess that I just have to study harder next time. 

Cause for a smile:

One of my best friends from high school is actually sitting across from me right now. She is finally here to visit me during her spring break. I's fun seeing her and just having a friend from high school here with me.

My floor is pretty much clean. I vacuumed and my room is cleaner than it has been all semester.

Yay!!!

I'm marking off more things off of my list of things to do, and I'm not adding much.

It's the greatest feeling in the world to just cross things off. 

Actually, right now, I'm pretty tired because we drank.

I guess that I should sleep soon because we're waking up early tomorrow to go shopping, and I didn't take a nap today.

I'm going to sleep now...

Good night.

I've realized that I LOVE NAPS.

Like... sleeping in the middle of my day is probably my most favorite part of it. Okay, maybe not. But I feel so much better after I wake up from my nap. 

Apparently, there was a study done that shows that when you take a nap, the better you are at learning. Here is the article.

Naps Clear the Mind, Help You Learn.

I guess that my only problem is that I need to cut down my naps from three hours to about one and a half.

Yeah... I don't think that I am capable of doing that. 

I have to say though, my body is a little sore from dancing hula. But we're told that it's supposed to hurt, so I guess that it's all right. Right?

But today's hula practice was hilarious because me and a few of my friends kept cracking up for no reason. I feel like we were delirious or something. I don't know... But it felt good to laugh.

Cause for a smile:

So, I just realized that my friend who is coming up here for her spring break is actually coming in this Friday.

Holy Crap!!!

It totally snuck up on me.

I thought that I had another week.

Now I have to clean my house.

But that means I get to see one of my best friends. 

Yay!

I have so much to do tomorrow.

I think???

Maybe I'm just making it a lot more complicated then it actually is.

Well, I think that I should go and so something because I feel so energized right now.

Okay...

Good night!

 Okay...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY COUSIN EC, and MY FRIENDS, LM AND NG!

So, I didn't take a nap today because I decided that it would be a really good idea to drink some coffee to help me study for my test.

I had my first test of the semester.

I think that I did all right. I just wished that I studied a little more.

Cause for a smile:

So, for the past few days, I've been making a lot of decisions on impulse.

Today, the streak continued. I made another decision on impulse.

But here is my justification for it...

I talked to one of my best friends about it and she said that she thinks that it would make me really happy. 

But it took a lot of convincing.

I ended up asking her, multiple times, if I was going to regret it if I didn't do it. And she said that I would. I trusted her. Here is how the conversation sort of went.

Me: You know me well enough. Will I regret it if I don't do it?
Her: Yes.
Me: Are you sure?
Her: Yes.

This decision has taken me days to make. And it is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

So, I took it.

I don't want to live regretting not doing it.

I mean, not regretting my decisions is something I live by. It's how I got into college.

Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. - RENT

I also spoke to my cousin today and told him that I feel a lot more at ease and relaxed.

He said that lately he's been feeling the same way.

It's spreading.

This positive attitude thing...

It's great.

So, I missed the day by almost an hour.

I went out with my friends today, and got just now.

It's the first time in three weeks that I've been out. That's what I get for getting sick.

But I got a few things crossed off of my list of things that I have to do.

I've been watching the Olympics lately, but every time I do, I feel like all I ever catch is curling. It looks so simple, yet it feels so complex when I watch it.

That made no sense...

Cause for a smile:

I unclogged my bathtub drain today. I know that it doesn't seem like a big thing, but after standing in dirty water for at least two weeks, Drano is a godsend.

I also went to see Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief. The movie itself was all right. I was just geeking out because I LOVE Greek mythology. 

But I need to sleep.

Tired.

Goodnight.

Who, or what, is the greatest love of your life? Is it a person? Is it a creative pursuit, involving music, writing, cooking, or art? Is it a passion, like food, film, or travel? How has it shaped your life?

That is the question that was on our Writer's Block for LJ. And I felt that it was a question that I wanted to answer.

I have to say that I have many loves of my life. First, my family. Because without them, I don't know what I'd do. They are my strength, my focus, my support. They are my everything. 

If it is a creative pursuit, I have to say that it's writing. Sometimes I feel like it's the only thing that is keeping me sane. I write every day. Sometimes it isn't a good thing because it easily becomes a distraction. But that has to mean something, right?

I think that both of these are my passions and they have helped to shape my life. I do everything for my family and with them in mind. Writing has shaped my life because I look at things differently to help my writing. Simple things like watching people, or noticing the small details helps. 

Community Stories:

I figured that I could start a small section for this class so it's easier for me to write about.

So, today, we had to choose goddesses or attributes of goddesses that we would like to embody.

So, first I looked in a book for my birthday and my goddess was Voluspa. She is an Icelandic goddess, I think. Her themes are:

Foresight, History, Perceptive, Divination, and Time.

But what intrigued me the most about her was her symbols. Her symbols were stories or storybooks. I really had to laugh at that a little.

Then I reached into a deck of cards that had goddesses on each one of them. The one that I chose was Selene. The first thing that I saw was this picture:
And honestly, my jaw dropped. I thought that this picture was gorgeous. So, I really like feathers and wings, and that was one of the first things that drew me to this picture. Then I flipped it over and this is what it said:

Selene, queen of the Starlit Heavens, is the the ancient Greek goddess of the moon. She carries the moon across the sky in a white chariot driven by winged horses or bulls. She is the totality of the moon, with its waxing into fullness and waning into darkness. Selene fell in love with a mortal, Endymion. When she descended to the earth to join Endymion, he fell into a deep sleep from which he never awoke. Selene continued to visit him nightly.

In later Greek mythology Selene represented the full moon, while Artemis represented the crescent or waxing moon and Hecate the waning and dark moon; hence Selene is Phoebe, meaning "bright, shining." She is traditionally represented with the crescent moon as a diadem. Selene represents the fullness of life, incorporating all phases of light and darkness in her shining.

I really took this goddess to heart. First, because I love the night. I feel more at calm at night than I do during the day. I focus a lot better at night. Most of my writing comes at night. My thoughts make sense, you know?

Then it said that she fell in love with a mortal. For a goddess to fall in love with a human... the love that she had to feel for him. I could relate, because I am like that. I fall deeply, and passionately.

Then it said that it mean bright and shining. And fullness of life and incorporating the phases of light and darkness with her. I love that because I am not always a happy person, but I try to be. I have been told often that I am always so full of life.

I have to believe that this card was fate.

Other qualities that I would want to embody for my goddess...

I said that I just needed a positive attitude and to work to better myself as a person. It helps because it is Lent and I'm working to become a better Christian and trying to bring myself closer to God. 

I have to say that I feel a lot better because of this attitude. I feel so much lighter.

I am at peace.

Cause for a smile:

I'm trying to take care of myself. I feel that if I can take care of myself, then I will be able to take care of other people better.

So, I finally got a nap today after two days of not napping. It was amazing.

I felt so refreshed after I woke up.

And now, since it's night... I feel like I can get something done.

Maybe I can mark off more things off of my list of things to day.

Yeah, I'll do that...