dauntperplexity: (Default)
So, I'm trying to figure out people's intentions. Like, why people do what they do. I guess it has to do with the writer in me and needing to know what goes on in everyone's head.

I'm saying this because people are making decisions and doing things that I thought they would never do. But here they are, surprising the crap out of me.

People that I thought were my best friends...

But I do what I always do in times like this.

I push it back.

And to quote my friend, "Yeah, because that's healthy."

I'm sure you can hear him rolling his eyes.

But, it's how I deal.

It's just the fact that I can't understand, it's causing me so much grief...

I seriously feel like I'm getting sick over it.

I wouldn't be surprised...

Community Stories:

So, I was supposed to set two intentions... or something... for my weekend. Lockdown and focus. I have a horrible week coming ahead of me, and if I can make it through, then I'm home free.

Or at least as home free as I can be.

I talked to my professor today about how nervous I am about my future and everything...

I want to know why it's so easy for me to tell her the struggles that I'm going through, but I can't even fathom saying anything revealing to my mom and dad.

I guess I'm just so use to playing the role of the obedient daughter that I don't know what else to do.

Stress...

Cause for a smile:

Community stories.

I've been so stressed out and frustrated lately that it has brought me to the brink of tears multiple times lately. This class is one of my outlets.

I finally got to hang out with one of my friends that I haven't seen in awhile. Granted, I've been avoiding him, but honestly, he is one of my best outlets.

Telling him about all of my stress nearly brought me to tears again today...

Gosh, I'm so emotional.

But I honestly needed it...

I thank God for these amazing friends that he's surrounded me with.

And now I'm tired...

Good night

dauntperplexity: (Default)
So, today is the first day in a long time that I didn't take a nap. And I didn't need one either.

I think that's a good thing... O_o

So, at this moment in time, I'm freaking irritated with one of my friends. Trying to breathe and count to ten to calm down, but it's not working. I'm holding it in and it's driving me insane.

The thing is that I've been trying to avoid him because I've been spending way too much time with him, so this is the first time that he's been around.

AND I REALIZED THAT I NEED MORE TIME AWAY!!!

GAH...

I HATE THIS because I feel like I'm being a brat. I really hate acting this way toward my friends too.

*sigh*

Maybe I just need to sleep it off...

Cause for a smile:

I taught my dance for luau today. I was so nervous that I the people I was teaching wasn't going to be able to learn from me.

But they did amazingly!!!

Proud of you dancers.

So, today for our community stories class, I had to talk about my intentions. Here is what I said. But also what I didn't say.

I needed the class to help me focus and regroup. Last year when I helped to create the class, it was one of the only classes to keep me sane.
I need the class to give me strength and support.
I need the class to give me inspiration. 
I need the class to give me a community.

Hopefully, I'll be able to share with these women what I couldn't share last year.

Or maybe I won't be able to...

We'll see.

I want to get to sleep by one o'clock.

I'm going to write a little though.

I'm not tired... Hmmm...

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dauntperplexity

August 2012

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