Rewriting Herstory

I'm trying to figure out if sleep is actually necessary.

I say this because I love taking naps. 

But I keep passing up on them, and I think that I'm functioning well enough without them...

Maybe I just love naps way too much.

But I don't think that's possible.

Cause for a smile:

I ate sushi today...

YUM!!!

I love HAMACHI!!!

I'm so excited that I had it that I'm salivating right now.

Which is bad, because I want to sleep.

I realized just now that I have a lot to do tomorrow.

I have to read a few more pages of The Scarlet Letter.

Then I have to type.

I'm ready.

But I need to finish a post lab first.

So I figure I should do that.

So, yes, it is another Tuesday.

But I have to say that this Tuesday was different from all other Tuesdays so far this semester. Granted, there has only been three total, but this one has been... mentally exhausting.

I guess I should start off by saying:

HAPPY FAT TUESDAY EVERYONE!

I'll come back to the whole religion thing later. 

So, I don't think that I will every get over the class from 8:00 AM - 9:30 PM every Tuesday. Thank goodness I don't have luau practice, because I might've had to take something to get through my day. 

But I got through my lab painfree.

Then I had to go to my Community Stories class. I had to share a story today because I didn't get a chance to share one last week. And I wanted to lie. I am one of the best liars I know, and I didn't want to have to expose my soul to these people. Not just yet. 

But I couldn't lie.

Not today. So I told a story about my cousin and how I wondered if she was happy. Which led to my voice cracking and saying that I wasn't sure if I was happy.

I nearly cried, but without the waterworks. And I couldn't stop. And I hated it because I didn't want to sound so emo and vulnerable in front of these people.

But easily enough, I smiled and tried to play it off.

Damn, the walls I have are so freaking high.

So, I realized the reason that I was such a brat last week was because it was that time of the month. YAY FOR PREDICTABILITY OF MY FEMALENESS.

Boo on the fact that now I have to do damage control on my brattiness.

Great.

Another thing for me to feel guilty about.

So, one of my friends (Friend A) told me that another one of our friends (Friend B) said that I don't invite him out anymore. So, when I heard that I ended up feeling really guilty. I have a really big guilt process, and when I feel like I do something wrong, sometimes I can get really sick over it. So, my thing is that, I want to know when I have gone out and not invited him. Like weekend wise, for the past two weekends, I've been sick so I haven't gone out.

If he was talking about this past Saturday when I went on an epic adventure, it wasn't my adventure to invite people to. I don't know if he knew that. And even though I still feel like I'm justifying this, I'm really feeling guilty over it...

*SIGH*

Okay, so today is Fat Tuesday, which means tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. Which means the start of Lent, and now I have to give something up. Or change something about myself to become a better Christian.

Here is my list so far.

Stop swearing.
Buy 1 DVD per month
Have a positive outlook
Do not procrastinate
Thank God at least once a day
Patience

But I'm already being bothered by this whole thing.

Well, I changed my status on facebook to invite anyone to come with me to Mass. I did this not really thinking that people would come out of the woodworks to want to come with me. I thought that it would only be the people that I've gone to Mass with before.

But a lot of people were calling me for times and everything.

And I started to wonder how many of these people were sincere. I mean, a lot of the people haven't gone to church all year. And I know that Ash Wednesday is one of the holy days of obligation, but is that all it is to these people? An obligation?

I mean, I get up every Sunday morning and go to church. I walk, or I catch a ride. I even go alone. And I'm a senior in college so it isn't like I'm not busy. But I try to take the time to go to church every Sunday. God gave me a lot, the least I can do is give him an hour or two of my time a week.

I guess I just want to know what everyone's intentions are that is going who hasn't gone in awhile. Are they going because they want to go? Or are they going because all of their friends are going?

I'm thinking too much. And I don't know if it's bothering me or not. 

Cause for a smile:

I finished reading Robinson Crusoe today. I'm not quite sure if I completely grasped the concept of the book because I was more concerned about Friday and Crusoe's relationship than anything else. I think that I was missing the point. But it's how I read. I need to become invested in a character for me to be able to continue reading a book. 

I have a list taped right above my light switch in my room. From where I am lying down, I can see that there are 22 items on that list. I've crossed off half of one. 

But I'm tired.

I didn't get to nap today, and I want to sleep so I have the energy to conquer the world tomorrow. Or at least a few items on my list.

So long and goodnight. 

So, yesterday, when I said I thought I was getting better, I was wrong. I actually feel a lot worse today. Yay for me...

But not really.

I have that sickness taste in my mouth. It's so gross.

But I'm getting enough sleep and drinking enough orange juice and cranberry juice. And all that stuff.

So, I'm pretty sure that it's that time of the month soon because I'm really irritated with one of my friends. Like, it's really bad. I hope that I get over it soon. 

Cause for a smile:

Okay, first of all, I must say that I bought my graduation Cap and Gown today!!! Yes, those are my school colors. It's a little gross because our tassels are yellow. Blah...

But now I have two weeks for announcements and one more to make my decision if I want a class ring...

Played Rockband with a friend that I haven't seen for awhile. Good times. Then took the greatest nap ever!!!

I had luau practice today. Learned the first verses to two of my songs. I'm so excited. It's going to be amazing.

But I need to go now because I have to finish reading Robinson Crusoe. BLAH. Way to put it off until the last day...

First day of the last semester of my SEN10R year down, who knows how many to go?

My schedule is pretty amazing on Mondays. I have two classes and I'm done by one o'clock.

Now all I have to do is see if I have to take my SEN10R Capstone even if I'm technically not fully a chem major anymore. I'll talk to my advisor tomorrow.

Hmmm... interesting.

I have a bruise and a court burn mark on my side from diving today at open gym for volleyball. It was fun to see everyone come out today.

Good times.

Oh yeah, so I was super restless last night. I didn't feel like I slept at all. And when I did eventually fall asleep, I woke up twenty minutes before my alarm clock. At this point, I'm tired. No naps today.

Cause for a smile:

I bought new books today. Granted, they were for my Studies in Fiction class, but books are books. And they look interesting enough. A few classics, a few I've never seen before in my life.

Maybe they'll inspire me.

I finally finished cleaning most of my freaking house. And when I say most, I mostly mean my bathroom and the kitchen. I still have to vacuum and finish cleaning my room. Apparently clean house=/=clean room.  But I did do laundry. 

And finally, I started a new story. Technically, two. But I'm still trying to figure out the characters at this point. One of them is scaring me a little though.

Have you ever gone so deep into the mindset of a character and not like what you see?

I'm at the point right now, but I feel like this is a story that I want to tell.

And to think that it all started because of a picture that I saw today.

I should get some sleep now.

I start at 8:00 tomorrow morning, and end at 9:15 in the evening.

Goodnight!