Rewriting Herstory

So, I just finished making flights for my mom, dad, brother, grandma, auntie, and two cousins to come up to Oregon for my graduation.

I keep getting distracted because in the past ten minutes, three sets of sirens have driven passed my window. I hope that everyone is all right.

Cause for a smile:

Tomorrow is my last day of my winter class! That means I have a whole two weeks of nothing to do...

I got to spend time with one of my good friends who I didn't see much of last semester. We went to Costco and happy hour at Sonic.

It was also game night at my friend's house so we played Guesstures... Good times.

I guess I should study for my final tomorrow.

And it would probably be a good idea for me to apply for graduation since my family is actually flying up now.

Right?

HAPPY 14TH BIRTHDAY TO MY COUSIN, KSC!

I'm sorry I couldn't be there to celebrate with you and the family, love. But I hope that you had a good one.

So, I've come to the realization that I really really really dislike texting. I mean, I was okay when we didn't have texting in our cell phone plan because I honestly enjoy talking to people on the phone and hearing their voices. I don't use my minutes anyway.

But the real reason that I dislike texting so much is because my little brother. He finally got a cell phone and learned how to text. But now, he texts me now instead of calls me every night. I'm restricted to reading instead of listening. I miss the sound of his voice. I know it's sad, and a little pathetic on my part, but it's true. 

IT SUCKS!

But what can I do?

I have a really nice bruise on my knee from hula and volleyball yesterday. It's about the size of two quarters put next to each other. A nice shade of red, purple, and greenish-blue.

I watched American Idol today. It was the first episode, so there were a bunch of auditions. I got some good laughs while watching with my friend CS. As bad as some auditions were, I had to change the channel because I can't stand to watch people make a fool out of themselves.

But I also got to thinking. There were people there auditions that were 16 years old and they were really talented. I wondered what I was good at when I was 16. For a second, I felt like I hadn't really accomplished anything. But then I realized that a lot of those people were either desperate, or just following their 'dreams'. But what if they were in for a rude awakening?

The fear is always there.

Am I brave enough to go after that dream.

I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. Writer? Pharmacist? (See what I put down first?) But it's hard. Motivation is needed.

I just need to think about it... 

Cause for a smile:

I have some inspiration to write. I mean, I'm trying to hold it off for awhile so that I can get through my week of class and just write for two weeks, but it's hard. I actually skipped volleyball today because I was inspired. It's been happening a lot more recently, and I'm not sure if it's a good or a bad thing.

Good because I love to write.

Bad because it can easily distract me from school and other things.

*Sigh*

I guess I should get back to brainstorming a story and hope that it will hold me off until Friday.

I love Sundays. I wake up every morning, get ready, then go to church. I love going to church because usually by the end of Mass, I feel refreshed and ready to take on the day. I was excited to go to Mass because it would've been the first time this year that I went to church since I've been back at school.

Usually.

It's a little hard to be excited when one of the kids sitting in front of you is crying because his dad is yelling at him and pulling his hair and ear in church. Yeah, what is this world coming to?

I really didn't know what to do, so I looked away. It's weird though, because back in Hawaii, it's normal to see parents discipline their children. I don't know why it affected me so much. I got angry, and in my head, I was thinking that if I ever saw this man, I would give him a piece of my mind. Horrible thoughts to be thinking at church.

After Mass, my friend and I, who I walked with, talked about it, and we were trying to figure out why it felt so wrong. We couldn't come up with a good enough reason. 

I got back to my dorm, changed into my pajamas, and slept. I'm still sick and seriously trying to get over it. I spent pretty much my entire day in pajamas. 

Cause for a smile:

I watched a movie today and got a good laugh. So good that I was in tears by the end of it. I also got to talk to my cousin who I haven't seen in six months. Also, I finally spoke to my friends who I didn't get to see over Winter break.

I also realized how amazing my little brother is. My parents are pretty much bribing my brother so he will get good grades in school so in exchange for straight A's, he will get anything he wants. Now, I know that he's capable of that, but that isn't why he's amazing. So, he asked me what I wanted.

I know...

I kept trying to tell him that he needs to get whatever he wanted and I'll just use it. But he wanted my opinion because he wanted to share it with me. Me and my brother are nine years apart.

Here is the entire text conversations:

Him: Mom said if i get straight a's i can get whatever i want or every a i get i mom will give of ten dollars
Me: That's good. Work hard.
Him: Ok so if i get straight a's i will try to get a psp to
Me: Nice.
Him: What do you want if i get all a's
Me: This is for you. Not for me.
Him: No its alright i want to share it
Me: Just whatever you want...
Him: Ok i will try to get a ps3 or are you getting it.
Me: Just get what you want. For yourself
Him: Ok i will just get you something as a gift ok
Me: Stop it. This is for you. Not for me.
Him: Ok

It really helped to counteract the anger that I felt earlier today.

It's moments like this where I think that there is hope for our generation. It made me believe that there is a lot of good in simple things in the world. And that what I told myself a long time ago is true.

My brother is going to change the world.

I guess that's enough for now. I need to get some sleep because my friend wants to make a movie and he wants me to write the script, but I'm to tired to think of anything. We'll see how that entire process will go.

But I'm tired and I have class tomorrow. 

Good night!!! 

Half of my winter term is already over. One more week then I have two weeks of relaxation and a lot of sleeping.

Sadly, I think that I'm coming down with something. This shouldn't really surprise me because I never get sick during my Fall semester at school, but during Spring, all I ever seem to do is get sick. I hope it isn't bad. It doesn't help that my roommate is coughing so hard that I feel like her lung is trying to escape her body.

Me and a bunch of my friends are going into the city tomorrow. I'm excited. I just want to see the after Christmas sales. What to buy, what to buy.

Cause for a smile:

I think that I did great on my test today. It took me forever to get one problem to come out correctly, but when it finally did, I was relieved. I finally saw Sherlock Holmes today. Good, fun movie. 

That's all I really have to say...

Good night!

Okay, time for another birthday,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RL!!!

So, not much happened today. I am sore like I said I would be. I'm pretty sure that i slept funny because my back has a huge knot in it. 

Cause for a smile:

Must post in ten minutes...

Just got back onto campus.

I ran a lot of errands today. I couldn't get a new phone because those two year contracts are crap. I also registered to get my passport. Why do I need a passport? Because my entire family on my mom's side (grandma, grandpa, 3 aunts, 3 uncles, mom, dad, brother, me, 11 cousins, and one nephew) are going to the Philippines to celebrate my grandma and grandpa's 50th wedding anniversary.

I'm so freaking excited!!!

I'm bummed that I had to leave my family for almost five months. It sucks. But I get to see my parents in four, so it isn't so bad. And I'm going to visit my cousin in March, so it's making it easier. 

Cause for a smile:

Yay!!!

Should go to bed soon. I have to wake up for a nine o'clock class tomorrow.

Goodnight!!! 

So I guess that it would make sense for me date it like this even though basically everyone in the world is on the 3rd. But since I'm in Hawaii, there is still one more hour before I join you all in it being that day.

Today, my family had their annual New Year's Family Dinner. Since my dad is a chef, he cooked a bunch of food. He went all out because "he doesn't get to cook for his cousins often." I'm just happy because this is the first year since I've gone to college that I actually got to be here for one of these. And I miss good food...

The Menu:

Rice
Scalloped Potatoes
Shrimp Tempura
Pancit
Korean Chicken
Adobo
Turkey
Fish
Steak and Onions
Clam Chowder

Cause for a smile:
I got to see a lot of my family that I didn't get to see for Christmas or New Years and I got to eat amazing food. I also got to iChat with my cousins who couldn't be with us which was so exciting! I love my family. 

*Sigh* Then it's back to college starvation.

I'm really happy because I got to see my pregnant cousin that didn't show up or our New Years celebration because of her boyfriend that no one in our family likes... Sadly. *Sigh* is disappointed... But what can I do about it. That rant is for another day. I'm too tired from cleaning the house and eating so much food that I'm an inch away from a food coma.

I spent the entire night going between playing Rockband, playing tag with a bunch of my younger cousins, yelling at a bunch of my younger cousins, and answering my prodding uncles, aunts, and cousins about college. It's hard to look them in their faces and answer their questions when I really don't know what I'm doing anymore.

I mean, I have a plan. I just don't think I'm going to go through with it as soon as they want me to. I mean, they're proud of me for going to college and all that, but it's a lot of pressure. The first first cousin on both sides of my family to graduate from a university. I think that's why my back is hunched from carrying all of that weight.

But I'd gladly shoulder that weight so that none of my cousins have to feel that pressure.

And not to mention the bragging rights. :P

But I'm tired, and I want to watch my cousins play Rockband before I sleep.

And so I must depart...

This is an edit of what is written in the journals that I've passed out to people who need to express themselves. 

Hi there,

Thank you for actually taking the time to read this note. I would've probably just skipped it. But since you're here, chill awhile.

First of all, thank you for stopping by. I don't know who you really are, or if we'll ever meet, but I really want you to participate in this journal. 

I invite you to write in your own journal. Not every day, just if you feel the need to. I also want you to really try and write through this journal in order. It'll be really random at times, sometimes even repetitious, but fully believe in those two words. 

There will be a lot of mistakes in this journal o my part, I'm sure. I'm not perfect, but I don't believe in erasing. The crossing out makes us human. But I don't want you to cross things out because you're afraid someone will read it. I say, SCREW THEM! This journal is for you.

I want to believe that this journal will help you out. It might not be immediate, but there is a power to putting pen to paper.

I think this journal will be a journey that you can take. I hope that, throughout this writing process, you can find something.

I want you to know something:

Someone loves you and cares for you enough to want this for you.

This will require a lot of effort from you.

Some of the things I will ask will make you dig deep and it might even hurt. DO NOT SHY AWAY FROM THOSE FEELINGS!

You will learn to listen to what those voices inside are saying and you will shut them up.

*I'm talking about the negative voices.

And finally:

I refuse to let you get lost in the shuffle.

We'll find what we're searching for. Whatever it is.

 I'm going to start off with a that's what she said joke... It occurred when I was talking to my friend online.

Me: I would've fallen asleep if I didn't have to keep my mouth open.
Him: That's what she said.
Me: Jerk.

I was talking about how comfortable the chair was at my dentist office.

( Oh well. It's an experience. )

That's all I have to say for now. Must get back to my writing. I've stalled long enough.

This is the randomness that is DauntPerplexity...
 

So, I'm back home on my island, and I couldn't be happier. I don't really have much else to say about that besides the fact that I've missed the sun. I just need to go to the beach as many times as possible before I have to head back up to Oregon and lose all color.

Oh yeah, freaking saw all three seasons of Roswell for 25 dollars! I'm so going to buy it. Because as much as I heart angels and werewolves, my first love was aliens. SO EXCITED...

( Read more... )