Fic: He Heals Me (3/4)
Mar. 17th, 2010 11:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dauntperplexityTitle: He Heals Me (3/4)
Author: DauntPerplexity
Rating: PG 13
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Spoilers: We’ll just say season 5
Length: 11,719
Summary: “Okay, Mr. Know-it-all,” Dean replied. “Just because you tell me everything.”
Author’s Notes: So, these are just a bunch of one shots that could or could not take place in Dean and Castiel’s relationship. Some stories link, some stand alone. There is no order to these stories. The order is more for the songs themselves.
9. Two Steps Away – Patti Labelle
And the more I think, the more I cry
As I walk away form you
I’m two steps away
From loneliness
I’m awake
From the mess we made
I’m alive
Dean jogged to catch with Castiel, who had somehow walked away from the entire incident still as stoic as ever. He called after the angel, but Castiel kept ignoring him.
Finally, he caught up to him. “Cas,” Dean said, grabbing Castiel’s wrist to stop him from walking or flying away. “Don’t.”
“Dean, I have to go,” Castiel whispered, his voice pained.
“No, no you don’t.” Dean stared into the angel’s eyes and saw that they were red and brimming with tears. “If you had to go, you would’ve flown as soon as you had the chance.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
Dean hated how lost Castiel sounded. “Come with me. You don’t have to deal with this alone, right now.”
Castiel stood, frozen. Or nearly frozen as Dean felt him shaking in his grip. “Those were my brothers, Dean. They killed them.” And a single tear fell. “I have to fix this. I have to save them. Even after…” After they abandoned him.
Then the tears fell. Dean pulled Castiel into his arms and let him cry, something he hadn’t done since Sam was a kid. But he needed to comfort his angel. “We will,” he said.
Castiel lifted himself off of Dean trying to separate himself from the hunter, but the hunter stubbornly refused to let go from his wrist. “Dean, I need to—”
“You need to come with me, and we’ll figure out how to fix this mess we made. Together.” Castiel didn’t make any move to agree or disagree with what Dean had just said. Dean pulled him toward the car. “Please, Cas. I need you as much as you need me, right now.” Castiel looked down to the point where they were still in contact. Dean quickly let go of his wrist. “But I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do.”
Dean spun around and walked toward the Impala, leaving Castiel standing alone.
Castiel stood for a few minutes, staring at the wrist that Dean had just let go of. He realized how much he missed the touch, and how empty he felt without it.
Instead of taking one step away from Dean, he found himself taking one toward him. Then another. And another. He didn’t want to be alone.
10. Dancing – Elisa
Time is gonna take my mind
And carry it far away where I can fly
The depth of life will dim my temptation to live for you
If I were to be alone
Silence would rock my tears
‘Cause it’s all about love and I know better
I was in Heaven for a moment, but on Earth, it could’ve been a lifetime for many. My time on Earth made me an impatient. I greatly disproved of waiting. At least on Earth, while I waited, my thoughts could take me away. Or I could fly above the Earth and observe. But here, I had to wait.
Then I heard the footsteps. Everything in me knew who it was.
I shook as I knelt before my Father. It was the first time that I had ever been in his presence. In my entire existence this was the first time that I would be able to see my Father’s face. And I was terrified.
“Castiel.” His voice resonated down to my core.
“Father,” I said. My voice shook as much as my body. “I’m sorry.” I bowed my head, keeping my eyes to the ground.
“Look at me, Castiel.” I couldn’t bring myself to look up and meet his gaze. I heard footsteps coming toward me and I felt a shadow cast over me. “Castiel, eyes up,” my Father said. He gently grabbed my chin and pulled it up to meet his gaze.
He was the most beautiful thing that I’d ever seen. Tears fell from my eyes. “Father, I’m sorry.”
Father knelt down in front of me, putting him at my level. “For what, Castiel?”
“For my disobedience.”
“Castiel,” Father sighed. “I am not angry about your disobedience.”
“Then I must’ve done something else wrong.”
“Castiel.”
“I’m ready if you must cast me out.”
“Castiel, why would I cast you out?”
And I stared at my Father like he was crazy. “For choosing Dean.”
“For falling in love?”
I gasped. I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times trying to find something to day. “What?” was all that I could come up with.
“You love him, Castiel. That is why you chose him.” He put his hands on my cheeks and wiped away my tears with his thumbs. “Why would I punish you for falling in love?”
“Because I deserve it. I deserve to—”
“You don’t. You don’t deserve to spend the rest of your existence alone. Not after finding me. Not after saving humanity.”
“But I—”
“My child,” Father whispered. “What do you want more than anything?”
“I’m grateful for everything that I have,” I replied. I put my hands on His and took them off of my face, breaking the contact between us.
“But you aren’t happy without him.”
“I’m happy in Heaven, Father.” I bit my lip when I realized how dishonest it sounded.
My Father let out a short laugh, realizing that I wasn’t being completely truthful. “Castiel, you can be surrounded by all of your brothers and sisters, but you will still be alone if you aren’t with the one you love. Especially since he loves you too.”
“But what am I to do?”
“Go to him.”
My eyes widened, and something in my chest stirred. “What?”
“Go to him, Castiel. Be with him. Love him.”
My Father couldn’t have been suggesting what I thought he was suggesting. “But I—”
“You will still be an angel.”
“But—”
“This is your reward, Castiel. Go. You can return home whenever you choose.”
“With him?”
“Of course.”
And I knew that what he was saying was true. There was no reason for me to stay and be unhappy for the rest of my existence. Father didn’t want me sad. “Thank you, Father.”
“Thank you, my child.”
With a kiss on my crown, I flew away.
I found him standing on Bobby’s porch with a beer in his hand. “Dean?” I asked when he didn’t acknowledge me at all.
“You left without saying goodbye, Cas,” Dean whispered.
“I’m sorry. I had—”
“I understand, Cas,” Dean interrupted. “You had a chance to go back home, be an angel again. Why not take it?” I didn’t know what to say. “So, why are you here?”
“For you,” I whispered.
“What?”
“I’m here because of you,” I said, louder, a little more confident. “I’m here to be with you.”
Dean set down his beer bottle and walked toward me. “Be with me? Here? On Earth?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t think it was a good idea, Cas.”
“Why not?”
“Why give up Heaven? For me?”
“I wouldn’t be happy without you. My Father knows that.” I paused and took in a deep breath. “And because I love you.”
“You what?”
“I love you.”
“Interesting.”
Interesting? I told him that I loved him and he said interesting. He was probably still mad at me for leaving. Maybe he wanted to be alone. “Maybe I should—”
“So, are you mojo-less?”
I beat my wings once, and Dean smiled at the familiarity of the sound. “I’m still an angel,” I replied.
“And you’re staying.”
“As long as you’d have me.”
He took a few steps closer to me, standing less than an inch away from me. He put his hands on my cheeks like my Father had done earlier, but instead of the touch feeling comforting, it was possessive.
He pulled my face to his. And our lips met.
When we separated, I watched Dean as he took in a few deep breaths. “Is it bad that I’m selfish when it comes to you? That instead of telling you you’re making a bad decision and you should fly back up to Heaven, I want you to stay and I want to keep you?” I shook my head. “Good,” he laughed. “You are never leaving my side,” Dean whispered.
“Okay,” I whispered back, and kissed him again.
11. Everything – Lifehouse
You are the light
That’s leading me
To the place
Where I find peace again
You are the strength,
That keeps me walking
You are the hope,
That keeps me trusting
You are the light to my soul
He could hear someone calling his name, but he couldn’t see anyone. It didn’t help that his eyelids felt too heavy to lift. Whoever it was sounded urgent. “Dean?” he yelled.
“What?” he groaned.
“You all right?” Dean finally had enough strength to open his eyes. He saw his brother kneeling over him. “Hello?” he asked waving his hand in front of his brother’s face.
Dean slapped it away. “Don’t do that. You’re making my head hurt.” Sam held out his hand and Dean grabbed it to pull himself up into a sitting position. He looked around and saw that they were not in the same place they were a few minutes ago. Or at least what felt like a few minutes. He had no idea how long he had been unconscious. “What happened?” he asked when he realized they were back in their motel room.
“I don’t know,” Sam replied.
“We were fighting the witches,” Dean said, straining to remember.
“Yeah. I remember that.”
“Did we kill them?”
“I’m not sure,” Sam replied slowly.
“What do you mean you’re not sure?” Dean growled.
“They were chanting something. And then one of the witches was going to throw something on you, but Cas—”
Dean’s ears perked up. “Cas,” he interrupted. “Where’s Cas?”
“I don’t know,” Sam replied.
“Damnit,” Dean yelled, but grabbed his head right after. He closed his eyes and laid back down on the bed, groaning. He threw his arm over his eyes to darken the room that had no lights on. He felt a hand on his shoulder and was about to shrug it off when he realized who it was.
“Are you all right, Dean?”
“What took you so long, Cas?”
“I had to make sure that they didn’t cast any spells on you two before I sent you away. Then I had to get rid of all evidence of you two.”
“Are you okay, Cas?” Sam asked.
“I’m fine.”
“No,” Dean said quickly. He threw his arm off of his eyes and sat up as quickly as his headache would allow. He reached over and turned on the lamp, cursing when it lit up the room and the pain in his head. After he recovered, he turned to the angel. “I need to check you over.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re idea of fine is not accurate. The last time you said you were fine, your lung deflated. Granted, you didn’t notice, but when you start foaming blood at the mouth, it’s something to worry about.”
“Would it be better if I said that I am unharmed?”
“No,” Dean replied. He swung his legs and sat on the side of the bed with Castiel standing in front of him. “Take the coat off.” Castiel did so without argument. Dean checked over him quickly, for blood, bruises, broken ribs. He was glad when he found none. “Don’t ever do that again.”
“What?” Castiel asked, confused.
“Whatever you did to get us here.”
“You were in danger. I just pushed you out of the way.”
“Well, you don’t get to push me out of the way and put yourself in danger.”
“You and Sam do it all the time.”
“That’s different.”
“How is it different? If anything, it’s more practical if I’m pushing you out of the way instead of Sam pushing you out of the way.”
“Why?” the brothers asked simultaneously.
“You can die. I can’t.”
Dean saw red and Sam shook his head at the inevitable rage that was about to erupt from his brother. “What?” Dean yelled. Suddenly he was feeling a lot better and his head didn’t hurt as much.
“Bad choice of words, Cas.”
“What do you mean you can’t die?”
“Dean,” Castiel sighed. “You know I can’t.”
“No, I don’t know that. Because you’re wrong,” Dean growled. “You can die. You did die.”
“By an angel,” Castiel exasperated. “We were fighting witches. She was going to kill you.”
“The story of my life, Cas.”
“You are more valuable to this war than I am.”
Sam threw his arms in the air. “Strike two in bad choice of words.”
“Do. Not. Say. That,” Dean yelled.
“It’s true. I’m not important to the fight like you both are.”
“Cas, please,” Sam started. “Just don’t say anything else before Dean kills you.”
“It doesn’t matter, Sammy,” Dean replied. “Because according to him, he can’t die.” He jumped off the bed and paced. Then the pacing stopped. “One question.”
“Okay.”
“If we were fighting angels instead of witches, would you still have pushed me out of the way?”
“Yes.”
“No!” Dean replied. “You do not get to sacrifice your life for me. Again.”
Castiel looked to Sam for reinforcements. “Why not?”
“Because I’ve had enough of people sacrificing themselves to save me.”
“Sam, please, reason with your brother.”
“Sorry, Cas. But I understand what he’s saying. We can’t keep having the people we care about die for us.”
“I’m not—”
“Don’t you dare say you aren’t important, Cas. Because you are. And I care about you.”
Castiel looked to Sam again. “Don’t look at me, Cas,” Sam said quickly. “He does.”
“I’m right here.”
“He lived without me for years and he turned out just fine. You were out of his life for three days at the most and even though he didn’t say it, it hurt.”
“Shut up, Sam.”
“If you don’t tell him, he’s going to keep thinking that him sacrificing himself isn’t a big deal.”
Dean looked over at the angel and saw that he was listening but not really understanding the words that were being exchanged by the brothers. “Cas, you aren’t allowed to die for me, you bastard.”
Castiel sighed. “Dean, if you or your brother is in danger, I’m going to do everything I can to save you. If it means that I have to die to keep you safe, then so be it. I’m sorry if it makes you angry.”
“Fine,” Dean huffed. “But if you come back again, you better not be surprised if I’m pissed at you.” With that, he charged into the bathroom leaving the angel alone with his brother. He slammed the door shut letting them know that he wasn’t to be bothered.
Castiel stood in his place, eyes wide and unsure of what to say. Sam walked over to him and clapped a hand on his shoulder. He let out a short laugh. “Don’t worry, Cas. It means he cares. Like really cares. More than he’d like to admit.”
“But why is he like this? You aren’t like this.”
“Because I don’t care about you as much as he does. And because you aren’t my angel.”
“Your angel?”
Sam shook his head quickly. “No, not mine, his.” Sam wandered over to his bed and plopped himself down. “But you aren’t allowed to die for me either. Got that?”
Castiel looked at Sam then at the bathroom door then back and forth once again before disappearing in a flutter of wings.
12. Lost – Anouk
Your voice makes my skin crawl
Innocent and pure
I guess you heard it all before
Mr. Inaccessible
Will this ever change
“I haven’t seen Cas around in awhile. Did something happen?”
“No, of course not. Why would you think that?”
“Because you’re angry. And it isn’t at me. And it isn’t about the apocalypse. There are only so many things that you could be angry about.”
“Nothing, Sam. He’s just busy.”
“And that’s why you were yelling at him a few days ago?”
“You heard that, huh?”
“Dean, the entire Midwest heard it.”
“Okay. So, was I wrong?”
“What?”
“To be angry with him?”
“Dean, we couldn’t have known it was a trap.”
“No, not about that. I wasn’t angry about that.”
“So what were you yelling about?”
“The trap wasn’t for us.”
“What?”
“The trap was set by one of Cas’ brothers. They were trying to trap him.”
“But I thought… Aren’t there more pressing concerns with Lucifer walking around?”
“You would’ve thought that, huh.”
“I guess not?”
“Zachariah is sending angels after Cas.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s protecting us. Then I told him we didn’t need his protection. He said we did. And I said…”
“Dean, don’t worry. I heard. You don’t have to repeat it.”
“How could I say that though? He had to know I didn’t mean it. I mean, I can’t believe I said that he couldn’t protect us since he was mojo-less.”
“Dean, you were pissed.”
“Not at him.”
“You were worried.”
“Of course, I was worried, Sherlock.”
“Because you care about him.”
“Captain Obvious.”
“Because you love him.”
“What?”
“You love Cas.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Dean. You can’t deny it.”
“I can if it’s not true.”
“Bobby sees it too. You know that it’s true if Bobby sees it.
“How?”
“Dean, you may not realize it, but you change when Cas is around.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Dean, it’s two against one. You love him.”
“I can’t love him.”
“Why not?”
“Because…”
“Because what? Because he’s a guy?”
“Sam.”
“That’s never stopped you before.”
“Shut up. That was once.”
“You were smiling the entire week.”
“Okay, so maybe I like—”
“Love.”
“Cas. But—”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“Nothing.”
“Can you at least apologize to him? Let him know that you aren’t pissed off at him?”
“Yeah. Sure. I’ll text him.”
“What did you say?”
“‘Get to the motel room, now. We need to talk.’”
“He’s going to think something bad happened.”
“Is something wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong Cas. I just needed to talk to you.”
“Dean, it’s all right.”
“Is something wrong, Cas?”
“Why would you ask that?”
“Why does he sound sad?”
“Because he’s afraid you’re going to yell at him.”
“I apologize for leaving the way I did the last time we spoke.”
“No need to apologize, Cas.”
“Are we here to talk about that?”
“Sort of.”
“Dean, I’m sorry. I should’ve realized it was a trap the moment I brought us there.”
“Cas, it’s all right.”
“I’m just sorry that—”
“Don’t apologize for me being a dumbass. I said some things, a lot of things that I didn’t mean.”
“Dean, you never say anything you don’t mean.”
“He was angry. When he’s pissed, he says a lot of things he doesn’t mean.”
“What Sam said.”
“Dean. It’s understandable.”
“Cas, you can’t just keep letting me get away with yelling at you all the time.”
“You’re usually right.”
“Usually.”
“But when I’m wrong, you shouldn’t just sit there and take it. At least try and argue with me.”
“I never know when you’re wrong.”
“You trust me way too much.”
“Is that wrong?”
“Yeah, it is.”
“No, it isn’t, Dean.”
“Shut up, Sam.”
“Think about it, Dean. He trusts you out of everyone and everything in the world right now. And you trust him. You both aren’t wrong to do so.”
“I suppose not.”
“Yeah, I guess not. You’re probably right, Sammy.”
“I am the smarter brother.”
“Don’t stroke your ego too much.”
“I won’t. So, will you kiss him already?”
“What?”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’ll leave you two alone to… talk. Bye, guys.”
“Goodbye, Sam.”
“Bye, Sammy.”
Part 4
Author: DauntPerplexity
Rating: PG 13
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Spoilers: We’ll just say season 5
Length: 11,719
Summary: “Okay, Mr. Know-it-all,” Dean replied. “Just because you tell me everything.”
Author’s Notes: So, these are just a bunch of one shots that could or could not take place in Dean and Castiel’s relationship. Some stories link, some stand alone. There is no order to these stories. The order is more for the songs themselves.
9. Two Steps Away – Patti Labelle
And the more I think, the more I cry
As I walk away form you
I’m two steps away
From loneliness
I’m awake
From the mess we made
I’m alive
Dean jogged to catch with Castiel, who had somehow walked away from the entire incident still as stoic as ever. He called after the angel, but Castiel kept ignoring him.
Finally, he caught up to him. “Cas,” Dean said, grabbing Castiel’s wrist to stop him from walking or flying away. “Don’t.”
“Dean, I have to go,” Castiel whispered, his voice pained.
“No, no you don’t.” Dean stared into the angel’s eyes and saw that they were red and brimming with tears. “If you had to go, you would’ve flown as soon as you had the chance.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
Dean hated how lost Castiel sounded. “Come with me. You don’t have to deal with this alone, right now.”
Castiel stood, frozen. Or nearly frozen as Dean felt him shaking in his grip. “Those were my brothers, Dean. They killed them.” And a single tear fell. “I have to fix this. I have to save them. Even after…” After they abandoned him.
Then the tears fell. Dean pulled Castiel into his arms and let him cry, something he hadn’t done since Sam was a kid. But he needed to comfort his angel. “We will,” he said.
Castiel lifted himself off of Dean trying to separate himself from the hunter, but the hunter stubbornly refused to let go from his wrist. “Dean, I need to—”
“You need to come with me, and we’ll figure out how to fix this mess we made. Together.” Castiel didn’t make any move to agree or disagree with what Dean had just said. Dean pulled him toward the car. “Please, Cas. I need you as much as you need me, right now.” Castiel looked down to the point where they were still in contact. Dean quickly let go of his wrist. “But I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do.”
Dean spun around and walked toward the Impala, leaving Castiel standing alone.
Castiel stood for a few minutes, staring at the wrist that Dean had just let go of. He realized how much he missed the touch, and how empty he felt without it.
Instead of taking one step away from Dean, he found himself taking one toward him. Then another. And another. He didn’t want to be alone.
10. Dancing – Elisa
Time is gonna take my mind
And carry it far away where I can fly
The depth of life will dim my temptation to live for you
If I were to be alone
Silence would rock my tears
‘Cause it’s all about love and I know better
I was in Heaven for a moment, but on Earth, it could’ve been a lifetime for many. My time on Earth made me an impatient. I greatly disproved of waiting. At least on Earth, while I waited, my thoughts could take me away. Or I could fly above the Earth and observe. But here, I had to wait.
Then I heard the footsteps. Everything in me knew who it was.
I shook as I knelt before my Father. It was the first time that I had ever been in his presence. In my entire existence this was the first time that I would be able to see my Father’s face. And I was terrified.
“Castiel.” His voice resonated down to my core.
“Father,” I said. My voice shook as much as my body. “I’m sorry.” I bowed my head, keeping my eyes to the ground.
“Look at me, Castiel.” I couldn’t bring myself to look up and meet his gaze. I heard footsteps coming toward me and I felt a shadow cast over me. “Castiel, eyes up,” my Father said. He gently grabbed my chin and pulled it up to meet his gaze.
He was the most beautiful thing that I’d ever seen. Tears fell from my eyes. “Father, I’m sorry.”
Father knelt down in front of me, putting him at my level. “For what, Castiel?”
“For my disobedience.”
“Castiel,” Father sighed. “I am not angry about your disobedience.”
“Then I must’ve done something else wrong.”
“Castiel.”
“I’m ready if you must cast me out.”
“Castiel, why would I cast you out?”
And I stared at my Father like he was crazy. “For choosing Dean.”
“For falling in love?”
I gasped. I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times trying to find something to day. “What?” was all that I could come up with.
“You love him, Castiel. That is why you chose him.” He put his hands on my cheeks and wiped away my tears with his thumbs. “Why would I punish you for falling in love?”
“Because I deserve it. I deserve to—”
“You don’t. You don’t deserve to spend the rest of your existence alone. Not after finding me. Not after saving humanity.”
“But I—”
“My child,” Father whispered. “What do you want more than anything?”
“I’m grateful for everything that I have,” I replied. I put my hands on His and took them off of my face, breaking the contact between us.
“But you aren’t happy without him.”
“I’m happy in Heaven, Father.” I bit my lip when I realized how dishonest it sounded.
My Father let out a short laugh, realizing that I wasn’t being completely truthful. “Castiel, you can be surrounded by all of your brothers and sisters, but you will still be alone if you aren’t with the one you love. Especially since he loves you too.”
“But what am I to do?”
“Go to him.”
My eyes widened, and something in my chest stirred. “What?”
“Go to him, Castiel. Be with him. Love him.”
My Father couldn’t have been suggesting what I thought he was suggesting. “But I—”
“You will still be an angel.”
“But—”
“This is your reward, Castiel. Go. You can return home whenever you choose.”
“With him?”
“Of course.”
And I knew that what he was saying was true. There was no reason for me to stay and be unhappy for the rest of my existence. Father didn’t want me sad. “Thank you, Father.”
“Thank you, my child.”
With a kiss on my crown, I flew away.
I found him standing on Bobby’s porch with a beer in his hand. “Dean?” I asked when he didn’t acknowledge me at all.
“You left without saying goodbye, Cas,” Dean whispered.
“I’m sorry. I had—”
“I understand, Cas,” Dean interrupted. “You had a chance to go back home, be an angel again. Why not take it?” I didn’t know what to say. “So, why are you here?”
“For you,” I whispered.
“What?”
“I’m here because of you,” I said, louder, a little more confident. “I’m here to be with you.”
Dean set down his beer bottle and walked toward me. “Be with me? Here? On Earth?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t think it was a good idea, Cas.”
“Why not?”
“Why give up Heaven? For me?”
“I wouldn’t be happy without you. My Father knows that.” I paused and took in a deep breath. “And because I love you.”
“You what?”
“I love you.”
“Interesting.”
Interesting? I told him that I loved him and he said interesting. He was probably still mad at me for leaving. Maybe he wanted to be alone. “Maybe I should—”
“So, are you mojo-less?”
I beat my wings once, and Dean smiled at the familiarity of the sound. “I’m still an angel,” I replied.
“And you’re staying.”
“As long as you’d have me.”
He took a few steps closer to me, standing less than an inch away from me. He put his hands on my cheeks like my Father had done earlier, but instead of the touch feeling comforting, it was possessive.
He pulled my face to his. And our lips met.
When we separated, I watched Dean as he took in a few deep breaths. “Is it bad that I’m selfish when it comes to you? That instead of telling you you’re making a bad decision and you should fly back up to Heaven, I want you to stay and I want to keep you?” I shook my head. “Good,” he laughed. “You are never leaving my side,” Dean whispered.
“Okay,” I whispered back, and kissed him again.
11. Everything – Lifehouse
You are the light
That’s leading me
To the place
Where I find peace again
You are the strength,
That keeps me walking
You are the hope,
That keeps me trusting
You are the light to my soul
He could hear someone calling his name, but he couldn’t see anyone. It didn’t help that his eyelids felt too heavy to lift. Whoever it was sounded urgent. “Dean?” he yelled.
“What?” he groaned.
“You all right?” Dean finally had enough strength to open his eyes. He saw his brother kneeling over him. “Hello?” he asked waving his hand in front of his brother’s face.
Dean slapped it away. “Don’t do that. You’re making my head hurt.” Sam held out his hand and Dean grabbed it to pull himself up into a sitting position. He looked around and saw that they were not in the same place they were a few minutes ago. Or at least what felt like a few minutes. He had no idea how long he had been unconscious. “What happened?” he asked when he realized they were back in their motel room.
“I don’t know,” Sam replied.
“We were fighting the witches,” Dean said, straining to remember.
“Yeah. I remember that.”
“Did we kill them?”
“I’m not sure,” Sam replied slowly.
“What do you mean you’re not sure?” Dean growled.
“They were chanting something. And then one of the witches was going to throw something on you, but Cas—”
Dean’s ears perked up. “Cas,” he interrupted. “Where’s Cas?”
“I don’t know,” Sam replied.
“Damnit,” Dean yelled, but grabbed his head right after. He closed his eyes and laid back down on the bed, groaning. He threw his arm over his eyes to darken the room that had no lights on. He felt a hand on his shoulder and was about to shrug it off when he realized who it was.
“Are you all right, Dean?”
“What took you so long, Cas?”
“I had to make sure that they didn’t cast any spells on you two before I sent you away. Then I had to get rid of all evidence of you two.”
“Are you okay, Cas?” Sam asked.
“I’m fine.”
“No,” Dean said quickly. He threw his arm off of his eyes and sat up as quickly as his headache would allow. He reached over and turned on the lamp, cursing when it lit up the room and the pain in his head. After he recovered, he turned to the angel. “I need to check you over.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re idea of fine is not accurate. The last time you said you were fine, your lung deflated. Granted, you didn’t notice, but when you start foaming blood at the mouth, it’s something to worry about.”
“Would it be better if I said that I am unharmed?”
“No,” Dean replied. He swung his legs and sat on the side of the bed with Castiel standing in front of him. “Take the coat off.” Castiel did so without argument. Dean checked over him quickly, for blood, bruises, broken ribs. He was glad when he found none. “Don’t ever do that again.”
“What?” Castiel asked, confused.
“Whatever you did to get us here.”
“You were in danger. I just pushed you out of the way.”
“Well, you don’t get to push me out of the way and put yourself in danger.”
“You and Sam do it all the time.”
“That’s different.”
“How is it different? If anything, it’s more practical if I’m pushing you out of the way instead of Sam pushing you out of the way.”
“Why?” the brothers asked simultaneously.
“You can die. I can’t.”
Dean saw red and Sam shook his head at the inevitable rage that was about to erupt from his brother. “What?” Dean yelled. Suddenly he was feeling a lot better and his head didn’t hurt as much.
“Bad choice of words, Cas.”
“What do you mean you can’t die?”
“Dean,” Castiel sighed. “You know I can’t.”
“No, I don’t know that. Because you’re wrong,” Dean growled. “You can die. You did die.”
“By an angel,” Castiel exasperated. “We were fighting witches. She was going to kill you.”
“The story of my life, Cas.”
“You are more valuable to this war than I am.”
Sam threw his arms in the air. “Strike two in bad choice of words.”
“Do. Not. Say. That,” Dean yelled.
“It’s true. I’m not important to the fight like you both are.”
“Cas, please,” Sam started. “Just don’t say anything else before Dean kills you.”
“It doesn’t matter, Sammy,” Dean replied. “Because according to him, he can’t die.” He jumped off the bed and paced. Then the pacing stopped. “One question.”
“Okay.”
“If we were fighting angels instead of witches, would you still have pushed me out of the way?”
“Yes.”
“No!” Dean replied. “You do not get to sacrifice your life for me. Again.”
Castiel looked to Sam for reinforcements. “Why not?”
“Because I’ve had enough of people sacrificing themselves to save me.”
“Sam, please, reason with your brother.”
“Sorry, Cas. But I understand what he’s saying. We can’t keep having the people we care about die for us.”
“I’m not—”
“Don’t you dare say you aren’t important, Cas. Because you are. And I care about you.”
Castiel looked to Sam again. “Don’t look at me, Cas,” Sam said quickly. “He does.”
“I’m right here.”
“He lived without me for years and he turned out just fine. You were out of his life for three days at the most and even though he didn’t say it, it hurt.”
“Shut up, Sam.”
“If you don’t tell him, he’s going to keep thinking that him sacrificing himself isn’t a big deal.”
Dean looked over at the angel and saw that he was listening but not really understanding the words that were being exchanged by the brothers. “Cas, you aren’t allowed to die for me, you bastard.”
Castiel sighed. “Dean, if you or your brother is in danger, I’m going to do everything I can to save you. If it means that I have to die to keep you safe, then so be it. I’m sorry if it makes you angry.”
“Fine,” Dean huffed. “But if you come back again, you better not be surprised if I’m pissed at you.” With that, he charged into the bathroom leaving the angel alone with his brother. He slammed the door shut letting them know that he wasn’t to be bothered.
Castiel stood in his place, eyes wide and unsure of what to say. Sam walked over to him and clapped a hand on his shoulder. He let out a short laugh. “Don’t worry, Cas. It means he cares. Like really cares. More than he’d like to admit.”
“But why is he like this? You aren’t like this.”
“Because I don’t care about you as much as he does. And because you aren’t my angel.”
“Your angel?”
Sam shook his head quickly. “No, not mine, his.” Sam wandered over to his bed and plopped himself down. “But you aren’t allowed to die for me either. Got that?”
Castiel looked at Sam then at the bathroom door then back and forth once again before disappearing in a flutter of wings.
12. Lost – Anouk
Your voice makes my skin crawl
Innocent and pure
I guess you heard it all before
Mr. Inaccessible
Will this ever change
“I haven’t seen Cas around in awhile. Did something happen?”
“No, of course not. Why would you think that?”
“Because you’re angry. And it isn’t at me. And it isn’t about the apocalypse. There are only so many things that you could be angry about.”
“Nothing, Sam. He’s just busy.”
“And that’s why you were yelling at him a few days ago?”
“You heard that, huh?”
“Dean, the entire Midwest heard it.”
“Okay. So, was I wrong?”
“What?”
“To be angry with him?”
“Dean, we couldn’t have known it was a trap.”
“No, not about that. I wasn’t angry about that.”
“So what were you yelling about?”
“The trap wasn’t for us.”
“What?”
“The trap was set by one of Cas’ brothers. They were trying to trap him.”
“But I thought… Aren’t there more pressing concerns with Lucifer walking around?”
“You would’ve thought that, huh.”
“I guess not?”
“Zachariah is sending angels after Cas.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s protecting us. Then I told him we didn’t need his protection. He said we did. And I said…”
“Dean, don’t worry. I heard. You don’t have to repeat it.”
“How could I say that though? He had to know I didn’t mean it. I mean, I can’t believe I said that he couldn’t protect us since he was mojo-less.”
“Dean, you were pissed.”
“Not at him.”
“You were worried.”
“Of course, I was worried, Sherlock.”
“Because you care about him.”
“Captain Obvious.”
“Because you love him.”
“What?”
“You love Cas.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Dean. You can’t deny it.”
“I can if it’s not true.”
“Bobby sees it too. You know that it’s true if Bobby sees it.
“How?”
“Dean, you may not realize it, but you change when Cas is around.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Dean, it’s two against one. You love him.”
“I can’t love him.”
“Why not?”
“Because…”
“Because what? Because he’s a guy?”
“Sam.”
“That’s never stopped you before.”
“Shut up. That was once.”
“You were smiling the entire week.”
“Okay, so maybe I like—”
“Love.”
“Cas. But—”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“Nothing.”
“Can you at least apologize to him? Let him know that you aren’t pissed off at him?”
“Yeah. Sure. I’ll text him.”
“What did you say?”
“‘Get to the motel room, now. We need to talk.’”
“He’s going to think something bad happened.”
“Is something wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong Cas. I just needed to talk to you.”
“Dean, it’s all right.”
“Is something wrong, Cas?”
“Why would you ask that?”
“Why does he sound sad?”
“Because he’s afraid you’re going to yell at him.”
“I apologize for leaving the way I did the last time we spoke.”
“No need to apologize, Cas.”
“Are we here to talk about that?”
“Sort of.”
“Dean, I’m sorry. I should’ve realized it was a trap the moment I brought us there.”
“Cas, it’s all right.”
“I’m just sorry that—”
“Don’t apologize for me being a dumbass. I said some things, a lot of things that I didn’t mean.”
“Dean, you never say anything you don’t mean.”
“He was angry. When he’s pissed, he says a lot of things he doesn’t mean.”
“What Sam said.”
“Dean. It’s understandable.”
“Cas, you can’t just keep letting me get away with yelling at you all the time.”
“You’re usually right.”
“Usually.”
“But when I’m wrong, you shouldn’t just sit there and take it. At least try and argue with me.”
“I never know when you’re wrong.”
“You trust me way too much.”
“Is that wrong?”
“Yeah, it is.”
“No, it isn’t, Dean.”
“Shut up, Sam.”
“Think about it, Dean. He trusts you out of everyone and everything in the world right now. And you trust him. You both aren’t wrong to do so.”
“I suppose not.”
“Yeah, I guess not. You’re probably right, Sammy.”
“I am the smarter brother.”
“Don’t stroke your ego too much.”
“I won’t. So, will you kiss him already?”
“What?”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’ll leave you two alone to… talk. Bye, guys.”
“Goodbye, Sam.”
“Bye, Sammy.”
Part 4
